Oprah's last show...

I heard today that the Oprah show will end soon, and as I began to ponder it, a dream sequence began...

In the middle of her last show, after a particularly touching montage of the 25+ years she has hosted...

She stands, center stage, surrounded by those who owe her their careers and her favorite guests and suddenly, without warning...

Pulls off her face and hair revealing mottled, scaly flesh and gnarled horns, and she spreads her leathery wings, and opens her gaping maw to bear her long rotting flesh-flecked fangs, utters a deep throaty growl, announces herself to be:

Orpaoh (Or-Pah-oh ) the reaper of souls,

That which up to now has been known as Gail begins its slow descent from the ceiling where it has been poised upside down since the show began. In its natural state it is Luthu, spawn of Orpaoh the reaper...

Orpaoh hisses for silence amid the terrified screams of the audience, who are only then beginning to realize in horror, that this is not some TV trick, and that something truly evil stands in their midst... As Luthu's murky yellow eyes scan the audience, it's tail flicks back and forth almost as though it has a mind of its own.

In the face of this terror some in the audience have become incontinent, the smell of human waste mingles with the scent of terror, and Orpaoh smiles, if you can call it a smile, its double rows of fangs glistening in the camera light as it drools fetid puddles onto the floor...

With its tail, it motions to the side of the stage, and a heretofore unseen panel slides away revealing a wild eyed, bound and gagged Steadman Graham trussed on a table like a feast-ready bird... The terror in his eyes says all that his lips cannot say through the bloody gag, and people begin to scream..

Quiet!, Luthu bellows, voice hoarse and harsh, and to make a point, the tail whips out, neatly decapitating a blond first row audience member. The bloody spray and twitching body bring everyone to a hush, even as quiet as the noiseless moving mouth of the freshly severed head.. It is clear to see in her eyes, that at the last, she is aware of what has happened...

At the sight of the wordlessly moving mouth and the blood splattered blond hair, Orpaoh begins to laugh. An obscene guttural bellow that causes her wings to vibrate… “3 hours at the salon shot to hell.” it hisses, and suddenly there is the sound of chuckling in the room that is, if hyenas could chuckle…

Like a wet dog shakes out its coat, Suze Orman and Nate Berkus shake themselves shedding their skin in big flakes that fall like rain onto the horrified onlookers, revealing mangy bristling fur, and green glowing eyes..

Iyanla VanZant , who has been curled up in a ball rocking and moaning “Jesus, Jesus” can only sigh deeply and despairingly, as she is set upon by the two beasts. She offers almost no resistance as they begin to feast on her wantonly…

Ekhart Tolle and Shirly MacClaine hold eachother tightly declaring that this cannot be happening, even as a monstrosity turns its heads towards them. Vaguely familiar is this two-headed thing, its faces smiling the benign smile of the deceiver. Its heads are almost beautiful, but the body… It is the stuff of nightmares. Skeletal, with open sores and suppurating foul smelling wounds, It is misshapen but deceptively quick, and in what seems like an instant, it is upon them.
The face of Deepak Choprah looks into Ekhart Tolle’s, and as Eckhart begins to scream, his throat is torn out. Shirley manages ‘But I am G… the ‘od’ never makes it out of her mouth as Joel Osteen tears off her bottom jaw with his famous teeth… Dripping gore, both heads settle in to devour their prey..

Dr. Phil jumps up, shouting “Oh Hell naw, HELL NAW!!!!”, and begins to run for the exit. He gets 5 steps before being impaled on the tail of Orpaoh, who hisses “I brought you in and I can take you out!” before guffawing with that terrible laugh, and flinging him 8 rows deep into the audience. His face a mask of wide-eyed disbelief, Dr. Phil's last breath escapes his lips…

Momentarily distracted by Dr. Phil, Orpaoh seems to lose her hypnotic grip on the audience. Like roaches in the sudden glare of the light, they begin to run everywhere at once, trampling one another in their panic. Orpaoh does not pursue, there is no need, for the doors are locked. Their 2-inch thick steel cannot be breached. There is no place to go. Luthu and Orpaoh turn their attention to Steadman, and slowly, almost delicately, and with much flourish, begin to tear him apart, bit by bit... Feeding eachother as couples do, talons crossed, seemingly oblivious to the excruciating pain and muffled screams of the writhing man in front of them…

After what seems an eternity, he is dead. Like finicky cats, having now lost interest in the thing that they have tortured, they fling what is left of him to Suze and Nate who set about cracking his bones, and cackling while the lick the marrow out…

All the while the cameras are running, because it is Orpaoh’s minions who ‘man’ them, they have been waiting to feed, impatient, but obedient… Orpaoh bids them wait no more.. Her unholy horde sets upon her shocked and horrified audience in a flurry of talons, fangs, rent flesh and gore...

Now, THAT would be a finale...

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