The formula for Spiritual Character Assassination

This is one from the archives... Originally posted on my old blog
Sunday, April 09, 2006

The formula for Spiritual Character Assassination And congregational control

One of the most interesting parts of 'Church' to me is watching preachers. I've seen the good the bad and the ugly, I've seen the fervent and the fraudulent the Shepherd and the Wolf.
From my travels, I have compiled this list. The purpose of it is to help the arrogant, immature wannabe 'pastor' maintain control of the flock.
These are all things that I've either seen or experienced so I know they work. Your short term success is guaranteed!
So to all you would-be so-called shepherds out there:
If you ever find yourself using ANYTHING from the list,

Here we go:

In leadership, control is key. The Sheep must be led, and it is the responsibility of the shepherd to show them the error of their ways, while lovingly corrected. The rod corrects, while the staff guides.(Psalm 23) There comes a time though, where one sheep has to be made an example of, in order to keep the others in line. Inevitably, you will be challenged. When this happens, the following strategy should be deployed in order to have the victory and remain in control.

1) Isolate: Have the discussion in a forum where the other party cannot defend themselves or challenge you. This works best when the other person(s):

a. is not present

b. is unable to respond

c. has spoken first in the forum

2) Pontificate: Use your leverage: Use your leadership position, either in a direct or implied fashion. Your position always adds weight to your words and position.

3) Obfuscate: Use scripture to bolster your position. Well placed scriptural reference always cements your argument, and is the best way to divert attention from a weak argument.

4) Alienate: The person has now become different, by virtue of their disagreement with you. He/she/they is now no longer as we are. Say this mournfully, somberly. Tears are great for this step.

5) Denigrate: Imply that the other person has satanic involvement. This automatically assures that your listeners associate your position with God

6) Amputate: If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out Mark 9:47a. The offending party must be treated as a cancer, and removed, at least publicly. It must be announced quickly. Unequivocally.

7) Eradicate: Dismiss opposition as uninformed. This must be done swiftly, and benevolently

8) Elevate: Raise yourself above the other person(s) Make sure to say, after explaining your position, that you still love the other person(s). Imply that if there is repentance, there is a chance of restoration

9) Invocate: Request prayer for the other person(s). Entreat those in attendance to earnestly seek God on behalf of the fallen one(s)

10) Placate: Close in prayer, naming others who you think may disagree with or question you. Positive or negative mention still work, though positive makes you appear even more godly, and mature in your ability to stand above.

11) Sedate: If and when possible, bolster your position with music or a timely prophecy. This works EXTREMELY well, and lessens the possibility of dissent. A song about sin works best, sung in a mournful tone. A prophecy that includes wheat and tare is most effective. Conviction leads to introspection, which takes the mind (and focus) off of you.

If you put these tips in play at least once every year, you will in no time have obedient pliable sheep, ripe for the fleecing. I hope that you've found that helpful...


Anonymous said…
Pastor, I know this is off subject and you do not have to post this - but I wonder if you have watched a new documentary which links slavery, eugenics, and abortion to Black Genocide, called: Maafa21. I hoe you will watch and maybe have your church show it. Everyone needs to see this film. You can watch a preview and order here: www.maafa21com

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